Defining Lipstick

I always defined the lipstick lesbian as a gay woman men want as well as women. This doesn’t make much sense because every woman I’ve ever met has at least one man attracted to her. And when a man finds out a woman is lesbian, 9 times out of 10 they want her more. My lipstick definition is obviously dated.

When I lived in Colorado I hung around a lesbian couple who made every effort to appear masculine. They had buzz cuts that didn’t require any maintenance aside from a trip to the barber shop every two weeks to sit under the razor again. Their typical outfit was a flannel over a T-shit, cargo pants/shorts, and hiking boots. Neither had ever worn a stitch of make-up and shaving anything on their bodies would have been too feminine. I was in my late teens and spent most of my time asking them all sorts of childlike questions.

“When did you know you were gay?”
“Did your parents freak out when you told them?”
“Is it required to dress like a boy?”

And my favorite…”You have gaydar, right? Am I gay? You can tell me, it doesn’t bother me, I just want to know.” They laughed at me because I guess if I was gay I would’ve known. I imagine my obsession with chest hair was one of the factors that meant I liked men. I questioned it because I didn’t understand how these 2 women who refused to be friends with straight women and only hung around men due to athletic ability would hang around me. Turns out it was my stupid questions that kept our friendship alive. They liked to teach people who were outside the “family.” I felt honored.

They called themselves “butch” like everyone else did. If the shoe fits…

In LA and New York my lesbian friends are of a different breed. They are drop dead gorgeous and have men, women (straight and gay) dying for a piece. I wouldn’t have known they were lesbian unless they told me and it was usually when some man was hitting on them and they’d tell the dude, “I’m gay.” I always thought it was a clever refusal. When I realized the line was true, I had more stupid questions. “Where is your flannel vest?”

This beautiful group became my description for the lipstick lesbian. They don’t particularly care for the term or use the label but it doesn’t offend.

On Friday night, I was in a debate about the fundamental difference between butch and lipstick. (Yes, this is how I spend my evenings, mindless discussions over vodka.) At the end of the argument, we could not decide on the proper classification for lipstick. Does it just come down to the maintained woman? In the end, it doesn’t matter and nobody should be classified but I think it’s the same as defining men as metro-sexual vs. macho-sexual. I only ask because I wonder if I would fit the lipstick or metro definition of any group. Lately, I seem to fit the obviously-doesn’t-care-and-should classification of every type, man or woman. As of today, I vow to brush my hair and wear more make-up. Watch out…there’s a new lipstick in town.