Losing Air Candy

Airplane travel is miserable; security hassles with new and improved rules where the primary goal is to annoy everyone while making them feel safe, the option and depressing fact that you have to actually purchase airline food (unless you are on JetBlue or riding first class), constant flight delays due to weather or oversensitive passengers. (delayed once because someone had a wasp on their seat and screaming “stop the plane!!!” was the best way to remove the minor inconvenience.) These things alone make me want to walk to most destinations but when that isn’t possible I fly. Does every airline have to make it more painful by employing ugly, unpleasant flight attendants? What goddamned feminist group outlawed the hiring of stewardess based on appearance?

I attended a wedding in Aspen this past weekend. On my flight from La Guardia to Denver I was selected for another round of screening before boarding the plane. Lucky me. Because I refuse to check bags, with the new Triple L rules (No Liquids or Lotions because of London) I just don’t travel with toiletries in my carry-on and purchase them at my destination and mail them home. I have it down to a science. On this particular round of screening, they decided to take my oil based eye-liner. I don’t wear it so it wasn’t the biggest loss. I tried to argue but I wasn’t eager to make it a national crisis so I let it go. While waiting my turn to enter the plane, I fumed that the girlfriend (or boyfriend) of random, momentary useless, security guard now has some very nice make-up.

Once boarded, I found my seat across the aisle next to a woman reading a how to book; Stop Worrying and Start Living. I assumed this concept applied to the whiskers decorating her chin. It put me in a foul mood. Adding to this were the three flight attendants that were somewhere between middle-age and elderly, bitter, and had the run-over-wet-hung-up-to-dry look. Is this part of some sort of Title 9 law? Is this an EOE package practiced? I suppose if I was turned down for a job based on my looks I’d be upset and cause some issues that would lead to fair-faced employment. I hope I wouldn’t. I hope it would clue me in to the public view. “Hey, not so attractive by United Airlines standards maybe I should do something about it or find a job where looks don’t matter.” (Like something that doesn’t deal with people.) The public suffers in some form when people are denied the right to discriminate based on physical attraction. This can still include diversity with race and gender, just leave out the ugly.

The flight ended well. I had 3 mini-bottles of wine (white) and ended up chatting it up with dude in suit next to me who happens to be an employer in my industry. I sent my resume to him this morning and perhaps that company will pay me more for what I do today. Worth a shot…