The Sports Factor

It is important to Puddy that his girlfriend participates in the 3 sports he is active in: Tennis, Golf, and Skiing. He is THRILLED that I’m involved in all of them in some capacity.

Tennis: Blanche scored tickets to the US Open on Wednesday night so we went and watched Sharapova play some dumpy, dude-like chick and then Roddick crush some cutie from Denmark. We struggled to figure out the scoring while drinking beer and discussing Sharapova’s “uniforms.” I concluded that Kournikova was hotter even though she couldn’t play as well. Roddick is fun to watch but Blanche and I preferred to dream about seeing a Federer match. Maybe next year.

Tennis: Check

Golf: I went golfing with my father once when I was 13. We had to leave by the 7th hole because I couldn’t grasp the concept that the green was not a road or parking spot for the golf cart. My dad doesn’t pay attention to stupid rules either so although he warned me it wasn’t enforced. Golf course security took care of that. We had to give up the cart or quit for the day. We quit, who the hell wants to walk the course? Since then I’ve accompanied several people on various golf days as the official drink bitch and do my part by asking, “What would Tiger do?”

Golf: Check.

Skiing: I love to ski and think I’m Olympic material. After a traumatic head injury that put me in a coma for a couple weeks when I was 14, a bruised tailbone at 20, and a broken wrist at 25…survey says, not even close. Harmonizing nicely with my expert-slash-extreme delusions is a snobbery that would never accept skiing anywhere but the best; Utah, Colorado, Montana, the Alps, etc… Skiing on the East or West Coast is not an option which means I ski about once a year. This also means that I damage something every 1 in 5 trips. I look forward to doing some destruction on my ski trip to Vail with Puddy and friends in January. I may need to swing by an arcade and play that life-like ski game, Alpine, to brush up on my parallel so he won’t abandon me on the mountain.

Skiing: Check.

Puddy also made an effort to take an interest in my college football team. ‘Tis the season and nothing better than joining the full crew on Saturdays to watch our favorite team be killed by everyone in the Big 12. Puddy made a joke about betting against my team. I set the terms, “If you win, I’ll cook you mac&cheese. If I win, I’m allowed to sleep with other people.” He retracted his suggestion. Good thing he doesn’t care if I have an interest or participate in gambling.