Extracting Wisdom

A week prior to my vacation west, my mouth started to hurt. That indescribable, excruciating pain that means medication or surgery is necessary immediately. A condition where browsing the internet for any dentist in NYC seems like a great idea. Lucky for me, it didn’t quite reach that extreme. Friends helped out and I went to an office where someone trusted had already been through the trial and error process of searching for a suitable dentist.

Due to the emergency request, the dude recommended wasn’t available so I went to his kid assistant, Doogie Dentist. At that point I didn’t care. He took one look in my mouth and recommended the immediate extraction of all wisdom teeth. Right before my high school reunion. Perfect timing. I asked if he had had his removed. “Not yet.” I then wondered if all of his baby teeth had been replaced yet. “Almost.”

Bigger problem than his age…my gorgeous return to teenage years. I explained my reunion situation and how I would not be going with chipmunk cheeks and drool so he better prescribe some pain killers with refills until I can get to an oral surgeon. (Oral…ha, ha.) He understood completely which I expected since he looked 18. I was dealing with the correct mentality. Doogie hooked me up with a shot of something and a few bottles of codeine.

Two weeks later, I sat in the dentist chair of my mother’s dentist excited to be knocked unconscious. I spent the remaining 5 days of my vacation drugged up and in mommy’s care.

It’s been over a week since they relieved my mouth of unnecessary wisdom and I’m still in pain. One side of my face is a little swollen but not so much that anyone notices. I tell everyone I see about my surgery as if I suffer from a rare condition and am the first person in history that had to have wisdom teeth pulled. So far, nobody has been impressed that I survived.

Puddy was worried but rightfully so. Is there a man out there who isn’t concerned when his lover has issues with his/her mouth?