Freedom to Recline
In public transportation, I believe the rule stands that if the seat is able to recline the option to do so is granted to the chair’s occupant, not the people sitting in the vicinity. If this isn’t an unspoken law you follow, perhaps you should make note.
This past weekend Hoola-hoop and I traveled to the woods to enjoy our boys, Booze and Puddy. The trip was perfect except for the unfortunate train ride home. I hate train day! In the middle of a heated conversation about UTIs, Hoola-hoop tried to recline her seat. One needs to be as comfortable as possible while discussing various Cranberry extracts. As she pushed back, a voice behind her perked up rudely, “Can you please not do that?” As if Hoola was blowing spit wads her way. She will next time.
Hoola peered behind the seat to observe what type of person would make such a request. The bitch had 2 seats to enjoy and was still complaining about space?!?!? I can’t stereotype because there isn’t usually a certain look that goes with self-absorbed, self-important, and clueless. I could say in general they are usually attractive since there has to be a reason they can get away with such outlandish requests. Turns out, selfish people can be fat and ugly as well. This dirty-blonde heffer even pointed out that she was, “doing her homework, studying for a big exam.” So? What the hell does that have to do with anything? If she admitted to a nutrition test perhaps we could’ve been a little more lenient.
I offered nothing in this situation because I didn’t even know where to start. And I didn’t want her to tackle and eat me while I exited the train. All I could do to demonstrate my anguish was glare at her when I took a trip to the café cart and/or bathroom.
Hoola concocted revenge plans and wanted to change seats to the only one available on the train, the one next to Miss Piggy. “This seat taken? I couldn’t recline my last seat because the person behind it was a fat bitch.” I offered Hoola $20 to do it, but she, too, was afraid of Miss Piggy’s eating patterns. We weren’t aware of her feeding schedule and didn’t want to upset the natural order.
posted by Dubs @ 9:03 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Cat fights on trains are probably the most entertaining spectacles known to man. My ex once got into a brutal exchange with an Hispanic woman whose two young children insisted on disrupting the entire car with no attempts at discipline from her. I was whispering suggested comments as the argument heated to nearly fisticuffs. The woman's only defense was the kid is only 2, what do we expect her to do? It's what 2 year olds do. I whispered, "jam a wad of paper towels in the kids mouth", which my wife promptly shared with her. I added under my breath, "maybe if you didn't take them to the jail to see daddy every week, they wouldn't get so restless." She nearly came out of her seat on that. As the two women were practically nose to nose with "OH YEAH??!" and "YEAH.", the train (Metro North) began making more frequent stops. Many of the city workers who were headed home from work and were trying to take naps showed my wife their appreciation and support as they left the train. I whispered again, "Take the little brats with you will ya?" and a guy said, "My wife would kill me if I came home with that!" I whispered, "No! Don't take it home, just get it off the train! leave it on the platform!" When the bitch stood to get off at the same stop as us, I figured one of us would be knifed, but the kids were being so unruly, she lost sight of us. We got away unharmed. We entertained the whole car for an hour.
Ahhhh, trains... where the lowest common denominator in society gather. My favorite train adventure involved a hispanic teen that insisted I was staring @ him. I assured him I was only trying to get to my dreadful job and doing my best to stare straight ahead with as little eye contact as necessary. The young bastard kept the verbal assault up and after about 3 separate incidents I said we can do this, but you'll want to take off your walkman, because I'm going to break it. He didn't take my advice, I got up, popped him in the head once as his walkman hit the ground and fell into a few pieces. His pride, hurting more than his head, prompted him to pull the emergency break. This was right after 9/11, you would think Osama was on the train when it eventually pulled into the station. The cops let me go and told me to stop fighting teenagers on trains.
Funny...I wonder if Dubs' fat ugly bleached blond bitch was also hispanic. They seem to be very on the edge while on public transportation. Someone should do a scientific study to find out if hispanic people become exceptionally agitated while in motion and among crowds of strangers. Blacks and Asians don't seem to exhibit any unusual behavior on trains or buses, that I have ever noticed. Just hispanic. And of course, us white folks who have to deal with the rage. Interesting.
She was white. No racial discoveries can be made with this one.
Post a Comment
<< Home