Simple Treats for a Simple Time

I’m sitting her pouting today because after last night’s debacle out on the town, Sophia in all her brilliance went and purchased spaghetti-o’s to eat before she fell asleep. I LOVE SPAGHETTI-O’S! Why the hell have I not thought of buying them since I was thirteen? And why am I depriving myself of all the other meals, well-balanced I’m sure, from my youth?

Starting today I plan to eat a kid’s meal at least once a week. I’ll start with Spaghetti-o’s then along down the line: Kraft Mac-n-cheese, Velveeta Shells-n-cheese, Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Campbell’s alphabet soup, sugar cereals (Froot Loops, Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs), and my all time favorite snack (and meal)…Twinkies. I kept those little cream filled artificial sponges in business! Not sure how they survived past my 12th birthday (when people started to comment on my womanly figure and I had to stop eating things like Twinkies) but I’d like to thank the others who kept them in their lives for the long haul.

When I was growing up, my mother wouldn’t allow sugar cereals or candy in the house. That was much tougher for me than the lack of alcohol in the house that proves to be a problem when I visit home now. Once a month, we were allowed to have a box of Berry Berry Kix. This one precious treat split between three kids was hard to make last longer than one week. Especially because my brother, Bubba, and I would wake up in the wee hours of the morning before school and eat as many bowls as possible to make sure we ate our fair share. I could eat 6 bowls before puking. My sister, Brace Face, would wake up and shriek and cry that we ate all her cereal. I’m the oldest, if it’s anyone’s cereal, it’s mine. And I didn't require braces, so there you go... My mother would tell us to share and then give Braces her own box of Life. I hate Life (just the cereal, not my fabulous foggy existence) so she was able to eat as much as she wanted. Bubba ate anything so he cried for the sake of being deprived of something edible. This same routine happened every month but mom didn’t consider it a real issue. Same with seasonal candy. If she dared to put out a bag of holiday M&M’s to share the Christmas or Easter joy, those little colorful bastards were scooped up by the handful and shoveled in our drooling mouths before she had the chance to crumple up the empty bag. I'd then yell and scream at Bubba for being a pig and probably eating more than me so it wasn't fair.

This could explain why I need a bigger does of EVERYTHING and why I have to have everything I want RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Before I analyze that and bore myself to death, I plan to consume a pop tart or 2.