Enjoy the Silence

Recently I’ve moved office locations so I no longer sit near Hobbit who chews. Lucky for me, I have a whole new cast of characters for entertainment. None of them chew tobacco during the workday but that doesn’t mean they aren't capable of annoying me.

The main problem with the area is that it is DEAD silent. It is the same open floor plan as before but the people I sit near are much too focused for their own good. They are all young and ambitious therefore dedicated to their monitors. If someone does have a conversation in a tone above a librarian, you can hear every word they say and nobody has anything exciting to talk about. Which means the entire audience probably tunes into every personal conversation I have. This is frightening in general but especially disconcerting lately because I’ve had some real doozies. For example, what was this innocent bunch thinking when I told my male neighbor, Doogie, to pick up my cell phone if it rings and pretend he was me? Hmm…is she a drag queen in her free time? Is she a crime lord? Is she a spy? She's a real mystery, that one.

Most people I know complain about their office neighbors. It’s a given. Some bitch about the people around them who don’t shut-up while others sit by those with annoying habits like slurping their coffee with each sip. The closest I’ve had to these complaints is a dude who spells words slowly and loudly associating each letter with exaggerated enunciation. T as in TOM, C as in CAT. I laughed out loud when he said P as in PAPAYA. Wasn’t so funny by the 10th call. This was my only specific irritation with the new crowd until today.

Somebody on the floor decided it would be nice to break the silence with sounds of nature. As I was browsing the internet this morning, looking for museums and restaurants to attend during my father’s NY trip, I was suddenly interrupted by a tropical rainforest. Apparently someone thought they would enjoy their day better if it was accompanied with the soothing sounds of wildlife. What? Why would you live in the city if that’s how you needed to cope with day to day functions? Doogie and I kept talking loudly about the distraction hoping that the person would take the hint and end the horror. No such luck. I tried convincing Doogie into approaching the person with our list of complaints and reasons the "music" was unacceptable in the workplace. A suitable request for this perpetrator to decrease the volume. I never like to address noise issues because it’s a little “Hi kettle you’re black” so I was trying to pass off the unfortunate but necessary task.

Six hours later, I had had ENOUGH. I roamed around the floor tracing the sound. I tracked it back to…guess…my desk. It was coming from my very own computer. One of the sites I had opened to finalize my father’s itinerary had background music. How nice. Goddamned Museum of Natural History!!

I'd say that ends the mystery of potential espionage in my free time. I don't have the correct tools. I apparently need a hearing check. Do they still conduct those tests from elementary school where they make sure you understand the location of various sounds? I remember being instructed to raise my right or left hand when the PING sounded in the corresponding ear. I must have failed that exam and nobody had the heart to tell me.

So sad…whatever…if it wasn’t an option to listen to nature for “enjoyment” this never would have happened.