BUSTED!

There is a couple in my building I see often. We are always friendly but we’re not friends. For example, I can’t remember their names and it’s been far too long to ask now. Let’s call them Barbie and Ken because I don’t know them well enough to assign fitting nicknames.

About a month ago, Barbie switched from referencing Ken as her boyfriend to her fiancé. I congratulated her because it must have happened recently but I didn’t stick around for the when and how. That’s our relationship: passing in the hallways, behaving in a civil manner, no real interest in each other’s lives. We’ve maintained this for three years. It’s a shame because they are around my age and I’m sure they are fun, interesting, etc…but we have never taken that extra step to be better than neighboring acquaintances. No reason for tears, I have enough friends.

Recently on my walk home from work as I stood at the south-side intersection of 52nd and Park, I noticed Ken making out with someone across the street. Full on make-out. It was not Barbie. I looked away because I was embarrassed. Definitely not something I should have witnessed. As I started walking east, I also had the thought that perhaps it wasn’t Ken so no reason to think I saw something potentially scandalous. When I hit Lexington, Ken and I merged on the same block corner. Ken was the dude with his tongue down some women’s throat. He didn't know I saw him and I didn't mention it.

We chatted briefly. I congratulated him on his engagement and we discussed our holiday vacation trips. “Can’t wait until they start!” That sort of thing. (I spared him my I-hate-Christmas campaign.) I used Christmas shopping as the reason I had to end the escort and step into Nine West. It’s a long walk home and I could do without small talk.

Ken can make out with whomever he wants. It's none of my business and I don't plan on making it mine. I would never mention such sightings to Barbie. For all I know, they have an open relationship and she’s entertaining our super (which would explain why we have had the recent upgrade in our building’s exterminator visits.) If that were true, I definitely have to add them to my friend list. How does one ask that question after years commenting on the weather?

Now, because I’m sick and twisted, I feel like I have this secret that nobody should know. I’m almost excited when I see them together and can’t stop smiling. I’ve been told I have a shit eating grin with every smile, which is unfortunate, but I’m always thrilled when I have a valid reason for it's presence.

Keep in mind, I don’t feel sorry for her or think she should know (if it’s something she doesn’t already.) I’m sure they have a great relationship. The real question, if the tables were turned, would I want Barbie telling me my boyfriend or fiancé made out with someone else? I can’t decide but I think I’m leaning towards no.

Actual friends are under a different set of rules.