Wasting Time and Space

My gorgeous friend Cash came to visit this weekend. I haven’t seen her in awhile and I had forgotten how much fun it is to play the role of her bodyguard. I have to admit that I’m good at it. I like when I can act like a complete bitch and it’s appreciated by someone.

In the couple days we roamed around the city shopping and drinking, Cash was stopped several times by a variety of men who would say, and I quote, “I just had to come over and say HI because you are like so beautiful.” She would chat with them for a couple seconds waiting for me to enter the scene and deflate their ego. We established the routine long ago. She gives them a minute or so of her time while I think of something that’ll put them in their place. I have a limited tolerance for unappealing men that even THINK she would be flattered by their approach. I wonder where and why they achieved this level of confidence.

I do appreciate a confident man, or one who at least knows how to hide his insecurities, but never someone who would approach a model and say “you are beautiful, what are you up to?” like the ugly man did yesterday in DSW while shopping with his friend. Cash explained what we were up to at noon on a Sunday while I asked, “What are you boys doing in DSW?” If they had said, “picking up chicks,” I may have laughed but he just said, “shopping for shoes, what else?” I don’t know…browsing for testicles?

Is it possible that at one point in their life they dated someone in Cash’s league of beauty so they assumed they were on equal playing fields? Or is it always just worth the shot?

I don’t mean to consistently harp on the ugly. If it makes anyone feel better, I’m just as annoyed with the other side of the spectrum. The beautiful people who don’t realize it. For example, out on Saturday night, there was a hot man checking out Cash but he never approached. He just stared from afar. I watched and kept Cash up to speed on when she should make eye contact. He never moved. At the end of the night while retrieving our coats, he grabbed her arm and asked her to stay through a drunken slur. He admitted to wanting to talk with her all night but didn’t have the courage. Good God. This type of line is never acceptable. Do gorgeous men thinks it makes them sound modest? Or was this guy in that small percentage of men that do not realize where they line up? If so, what a waste. Or do they not approach because they are used to women throwing pussy at them so they’re not sure how to do it? Hmmm…this issue should be included in future political party debates.

I would say I know my level of attraction but after 5+ martinis I have no problem hitting on people I think are God-like. Whether or not they actually are is a different topic, but I’ve got the balls to let them know what I'm seeing right then. Like I did for the gorgeous waiter from Friday’s dinner. I called him Adonis to get his attention and it totally would have worked if he hadn’t been busy buying Blanche’s boyfriend a cocktail. I guess I miss a few other factors with Stoli in my system. Don’t worry…I’ll get him next time.